Monthly Archives: September 2017

Being Curious

We had a trip to the dentist last week and it’s bought up so much for me on many levels. I can see that I was mostly feeling powerless in the situation. Despite sending Reiki , I wasn’t grounded in myself and felt unprepared.
I was told I have a tiny bit of decay around the edge of a childhood fissue seal that’s over 30 years old and advised to have it filled. I said I wanted six months to try healing it myself.

Giving myself Time
Twenty-five years ago I was a dental nurse so I’m aware that some dentists like to fill while others watch. As someone who studies natural health, I’m very aware there are things I can do to support my body. And in that moment at the dentists, I felt very vulnerable. I left stating my wishes for time very quietly (though firmly). I took a stand for myself. But I’m also aware that I easily slid into invisibility as a way of protecting myself.

And I’m curious – can I heal this? Should I just have it filled? But if so, what are the options and what is the impact of that? I’d certainly never put amalgam in my body but I don’t have much information on the other options and the price implications too. I have a tiny white filling in a tooth that was watched for years before I agreed to it being filled. And I’m curious how I feel a failure that I have that one filling already. The dental nurse in me knows too that once filled a tooth is weakened.

So I’ve been researching options and started with coconut oil pulling which is swishing oil around my mouth for 20 mins a day to detox and kill bacterial. I know it’s working because I felt sick after the first couple of times!
My son and I have made our own remineralising toothpaste to give my tooth the best chance to heal. Thankfully he likes it too as it’s a good healthy toothpaste for him to use too.
I’ve started taking vitamin D again as it’s been shown in studies to be an important factor in tooth health.
I’m also adjusting my diet to more tooth friendly foods (less grains, nuts etc)
Added to this, I’m sending Reiki and telling my body it can heal (gently with love).
I’m reminding myself of all the things I have healed – the auto-immune rash lichen planus I had in my mouth after my grandfather died that gradually went without any pain (and amazed dentists as it was bad and ‘should have hurt’), the lichen planus that occurred on my wrist in the months before I quit my job, the years of chronic pain and infertility from scar adhesions and so on. Our bodies are amazing things with great capacities to heal if we support them (and many times they’ll heal even if we don’t).

Claiming my Power
I’ve been really supporting my body these past few months to restore and reach a strong base and this is all part of that. I’m giving myself time. I’m not saying I won’t have a filling but I will try to heal naturally first and review when I feel the time is right. It’s my body and I know her, I know some of her capabilities and I’ll listen to that.
Which brings me to celebration – for my body but also for this opportunity to explore and practice even greater self care and awareness.
Part of that self care too is the external – what do I want from a dentist? The answer for me is someone who will partner with me, listen to me, challenge me? (Maybe!) someone who comes from a love-base not a fear base. My power, as it’s always been, is that I can ask for and find that. I’m not a tooth to be filled, I’m a living organism of trillions of cells working in harmony.
Taking this wider too, I’m deeply curious about where my body is in healing, breakdown as it can be viewed is most probably breakthrough as I’ve been really supporting myself for months. I don’t know when this decay occurred. For all I know it could have been nearly a year ago and has halted. Which brings me back to curiosity. I simply don’t know and it doesn’t matter. What matters is how I approach this in my power, following my intuition and being open to the information and resources around me. This is an opportunity to play with my briefs, to witness them and notice where I lose or gain my power. But most of all it’s a chance to stand in love for myself and this enquiry and for my tooth and whole body. Without blame or shame, I stand in curiosity and wonder about the future. No matter what the outcome if I’m in my power and listening and attentive to myself I’m in the space of growth.

This week I invite you to be curious about the things that are showing up in your life.
Listen to yourself deeply.
Give yourself time.
What meaning are you making? Is it really true?
Where is your power?
Where does your energy flow?
What resources do you have or need?


I’m grateful for lack of … which reconnects me to what’s important in my life. Where resources are tight (time, energy, money) what really matters to me? What meets my values and energises me?

I’ve been curious these past few weeks about where I’ve been in ‘lack’ and how it’s impacting my life: lack of… energy, time, money, self-worth – all biggies. But and it’s a big but – simply being aware of it changes it. It’s no longer hidden in plain sight but witnessed with love. I’ve talked before about Stepping out of Pain and into Power and it’s the same with these false beliefs/old stories – being aware of them, witnessing them and being curious starts the change and begins releasing them.

For a while now I’ve been witnessing my perceived lack of energy. I had various stories running that one – I’m old! I have a four year old. I don’t get the sleep or rest time I need….. and then I looked at what was really happening and saw that: I could eat more nourishing foods, I could try herbal supplements to boost my system, I could try sleeping longer instead of rushing to do things at night or from early morning. I saw that I was actually doing a lot! And I was also ‘being’ a lot too – holding people in my energy system, extending love to them is something I love to ‘do’ but being curious about it opens it up for further investigation and enquiry. At times when my energy is lower, perhaps I could be careful around all energy extension. And part of my overall enquiry is that I’m female and my hormonal cycle has different energy levels throughout. Witnessing those gives me clarity on times to do and be.

There are certain things I love which replenish me so I’ve been increasing those too. I’ve started taking our son swimming – before I felt lack because I didn’t get to swim unless I invited my Dad along and even then I was always conscious of them and how my son was. Now I’m loving teaching him to swim, playing being a shark or a crocodile and simply enjoying his joy at learning to swim. I still come out with that gentle buzz from swimming even though I’ve not done 30+ lengths.

I’m really noticing too how lack of energy is the main driver for me around eating. I eat to boost my energy so that I can keep going. And that’s not ‘wrong’ it’s just how it is. Part of that is noticing it, then deciding to eat (and what). There’s a disconnect from myself in this and every lack situation. If I breathe into it I realise how I long for peace and probably sleep. If that’s not possible as it’s in the afternoon etc I can choose gentle activities with my son to give myself space. Likewise I can use gentle herbs to restore my vitality and lots of water too.

Food is a big ‘story’ in my life. It’s not something I can ignore as I need/want to eat every day! For example we are passionate about organic clean food so that makes up probably 80% of our diet – organic fruit, veg, pulses, some grains. We support our health with herbs and vitamins etc. Yet I’m noticing that I’m still drawn to simple carbs like fresh bread and butter. I’m in deep enquiry as I’ve shared before in Joyful Food, Joyful Life – I am turning lack into abundance. I am being present with myself as I eat (most of the time). I am listening and choosing the foods I want. I’ve been so lucky to be part of a fantastic Radiant Living programme by which has really given me simple and effective tools and practices to support myself. It’s work in progress but I am noticing that my underlying lethargy has reduced greatly. I feel stronger and have more energy – I’m just using it up too!

It fascinates me that I have such a huge story around lack of money and that that’s the area I feel most powerless. With energy and time I can be practical and breathe into them and gain clarity, understanding and create new stories. With money this has felt a lot less clear. And part of that I feel is because we’re creating a new way of being. We’re creating a holistic lifestyle that supports the three of us. In some ways it’s traditional with my husband working while I’m at home with our son. And yet, being self-employed means Steve has lots of time with our son as he’s home early. Likewise, I have time in the evenings or when our son is with his grandparents for reiki or coaching. It, too, is work in progress as we create the structure that supports us.

Part of my story around money is not being wasteful. We love a charity shop or freegle find – knowing that something is preloved is a benefit. It’s not a sign of ‘lack’ to us but rather something to be treasured. Our son loves charity shop toys, games and books. I’m an avid reader so stock up on books and I love a bag bargain! Likewise we love to recycle our items. We really think about buying new – what’s the cost – financially, to the Earth, do we need it?

I invite you to be curious about your own lack stories. Hold them tenderly and see where they’ve come from – perhaps you have a family story? Perhaps an event in your life triggered something?
What’s the cost to your life in having this story?
Be curious how your life would be with a new story?
What’s your first step towards that new story?
What step can you take today?