Early in the year is always a challenging time for me – the previous year has ended and I’m consciously letting go of it. The new is emerging and while I feel inspired to be different and set and act on inspiring intentions, it’s still winter and a time of inward reflection and planning rather than doing.
This year I’ve tried to navigate that in the face of external breakdowns – our phone and Internet were broken and our ‘new’ car was in the garage for a week. I spent a lot of time and energy trying to get them fixed. At the same time, I was planning our son’s birthday and my Grandmother’s the next day. I made a lot of cake! I was also working on my website and deeply engaging with the Feminine Power coaches re-training.
I felt very overwhelmed, over-extended and exhausted. It’s a feeling I was used to when I worked in an office, less so now.
I certainly didn’t navigate it all perfectly, far from it! I collapsed in the chair at the end of the day, I pushed through exhaustion, I got up at 4am to ‘plan’ and keep on track. I ate ‘wrong’ things that didn’t support me.
Yet I also took care of myself – I gave myself down time to read and listen to music. I had walks and connected with friends and fellow coaches for empowered conversations that uplifted me and helped me back on track.
I simplified things – for example our son didn’t want a big friend’s party so we had family celebrations and saw his best friends. We had a family birthday morning – just the three of us. I asked for support and received it. I gave myself Reiki and sent it to each day. And I planned a relaxed week after the birthday celebrations.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, over-extended or exhausted:
Stop for a moment and breathe deeply
Ask yourself what do you feel and need? Listen for the answers. You might not be able to fix it in that moment but you’re listening
Make sure you drink still water and eat natural energising foods
Exercise – do something you love eg swim, dance, run, yoga, Pilates etc
Get moving – put in music and dance! Just do something fun.
Go for a walk outdoors – connect to the earth – countryside, woods, seaside etc. Let the wind blow away the past and your stresses – consciously imagine your stress being blown away
Sleep – make sure you relax before bed – read, have a bath, meditate etc. Turn off phones, television etc an hour before bed
Look at your ‘to do’ list and simplify it. Does it all have to be done now? If so how is that achievable?
Ask for support and gratefully receive it
Be vulnerable and let others know how you’re feeling. Connecting to others gives us energy.
Expand your energy rather than contract. I’ve written about this before here.
Be kind and nurturing – to yourself and others
Listen to your self-talk – is it loving and supportive, if not – what’s the underlying false belief it’s projecting? Work on that. Imagine holding that part of you as if it were a young child. Hold and sooth that child.
If you feel you need support please contact me for a free discovery coaching session on 07531 769970 or samrockcooper @gmail.com
Nearly six years ago I faced my fears and decided to step off the cliff and into a different life. It terrified me.
For my 40th birthday, we went to Italy with friends to stay with a fellow Feminine Power student. She has an amazing organic olive farm in Umbria and the views and energy there is breathtaking. I should have been so happy, yet I was exhausted, depressed and seriously depleted. All I could think about was work and trying to stop myself checking emails. Steve had been asking me to quit my job for 8 years but following a location change it was now more draining than ever. My role had been adapted over time into something I didn’t want to do and struggled to do so it took up even more energy. Where once, I had bounded into work to be with my friends, now I regularly went to the toilets to place energy bubbles of protection around me. I escaped at lunchtime for walks with my iPod. I was miserable. Yet I couldn’t see a way out. Fear kept me trapped.
That holiday and being 40 was time to stop, stand back and look at my life. At the same time I’d finished the Feminine Power 7 week course months earlier and touched my desire to have a child. Yet increasing pain from my adhesions (which are triggered a lot by stress) and excruciating ovulation pain made that dream seem impossible. So I spent a lot of time just ‘being’ on that hilltop, connecting to the earth and myself. Adelheid and I talked a lot and as we left I promised myself I’d leave my job that year.
Two more months rolled by and I sank deeper and deeper into depression. On the one hand I felt uplifted and seen and heard in the Feminine Power Mastery course and then I felt almost invisible at work. I wanted to be invisible at work. I had many sleepless nights as I felt so completely stuck.
At the beginning of July, I visited my Doctor which is a very rare occurrence. She diagnosed depression and asked me what I wanted to do. It was a Friday and I told her I’d quit my job on Monday! And I did! On July 4th 2011 I handed in my notice after nearly 10 years. It wasn’t easy – my Boss and Director were away so I had to tell HR and then phone my Director. After 10 years, she was surprised but so warm and generous. I then had three days of knowing I was leaving but not being able to tell my colleagues until my Director and Boss returned. Then I had lots of questions – where are you going? I don’t know! I was literally stepping off the cliff into nothing.
And life beautifully called to me with the Feminine Power coaching training being offered in the September. With Steve’s support, I decided to spend a big chunk of our savings and booked the training. I negotiated with work to use my holiday and lieu time to leave a month early. I told my hairdresser to have fun with my hair and in my final week at work I had bubblegum pink streaks in my hair. One of the IT guys did a double-take like in the films – it was hilarious.
I left work one day and flew to LA alone the next. I’m not sure which was the scariest! Other women on the shuttle bus were going to the training too and my roommate met me with the biggest hug.
I’m so glad I finally stepped into the unknown. From that place, I’ve retrained as a transformative coach, made lifelong friends and birthed our son. I’ve faced that deep internal terror again at his birth. I’m still here.
For me life is energy, it flows with ups and downs just like waves lapping on the shore. From that perspective I know that I have the power and resources to face anything – indeed in my life I’ve faced many big fears and obstacles. I’ve adapted, I’ve learnt, I’ve thrived. Life really is a deep blessing.
For me coaching is deep listening on all levels. As a healer, I’m naturally aware of energy and I listen for it… I can hear the energy in a person’s voice, see it in their face and body, feel it in my body and the space between us. Science shows how powerful our magnetic fields are. I’ve learnt over 20+ years to be very aware of it.
Coaching is also about asking key questions to help focus and bring clarity. As a coach I’m very aware that the client ‘knows’ – they may be confused, feel stuck etc but they ‘know’ on a deep level and they are already transforming their life. It’s my joy to help them reach that connection to themselves.
Coaching is about peeling back the layers and letting the light and beauty of the other person shine. Yes there’s lots of practical steps to achieving that which can include simple meditations, deep exercises, questioning, creating and holding the space together, listening for new inspired actions and ways of being and doing in the world.
Transformative Coaches are often called Midwives – as we midwife our clients potential in the world – we support them as they ‘birth’ their potential and desires.
It’s a beautiful calling and I feel deeply honoured to support women transform their lives. That moment when they have clarity and ‘ahha’ and they are so peaceful and still is so precious. Equally there’s lots of laughter and playfulness and while we don’t ‘skip over’ the pain, there’s a way to dance and honour it while accessing its deepest meaning.
Coaching is clarity and understanding so that choices can be made to be and to do things differently. That’s when life transforms – when we make a choice to do it differently, while honouring all that we are.
Our son was four recently. We had such a lovely family birthday marking this milestone but also our own as his parents. How we’ve grown and changed in these years and how strong our alignment in how we raise our son and where we’re going on our parenting path.
It was also a time of reflection: on that day four years ago when we birthed our son very much together. It wasn’t the beautiful natural experience we wanted. It was filled with pain and anxiety and feeling that we were being pushed by the medical professionals. Yet through that we were together, parents already. Steve massaged my back for 36 hours. He never left my side. He calmed me through the pain that I can’t take medicine for. He held me as I had an epidural and was later rushed to theatre. He held my hand as I was prepped for a caesarean, while I begged doctors not to as I would put down more adhesions that had caused nearly 20 years of chronic pain. He was there with me as our son was helped into the world with forceps and struggled to breathe. We were together as our son was placed in his fathers arms minutes later and declared healthy. I can’t describe the relief after being told he’d need to go to a special ward. The joy was amazing but the trauma was present for a very long time.
I’m so thankful for the support we received those 36 hours but equally I’m aware of how I felt powerless and ‘trapped in the system’. I had glimmers of power as I managed the pain through self-help techniques and drawing upon Steve’s strength. But at the end of the day, I felt forced into the operating room despite my protests. That hurt. A lot. For a long time.
Well wishers said ‘but you have a beautiful child’ but that didn’t stop the shaking, tears, anger and the fear that rose through my body every time I remembered his birth. I gave myself lots and lots of Reiki. I used the Feminine Power practices to ground myself, to listen to myself, to respect my feelings. And I opened myself up to the possibility that I could heal even though it felt impossible.
Then life beautifully gifted me the opportunity of an EFT session with an amazing woman who supports women through their birth trauma. That 90 minute call was filled with laughter and caring as we processed through the experience. I can’t thank Manal enough for that gift and the subsequent sessions we’ve shared on different topics.
Just writing this triggers me slightly as I remember our ‘birth day’ but it gives me energy now – I know I can get through anything, that I have the resources and power to do so. Equally, I can see where I’m giving away my power in my life and choose not to. This can be done softly and respectfully. This is where Feminine Power coaching really supports me – to soften, listen to my intuition/deeper knowing and trust in possibility – it’s an active trust though – choosing to believe there’s always possibility and options if I take a moment to breathe and listen with all my senses.
I am so grateful for our son who enriches our lives immeasurably. Equally I’m so grateful for the life and experiences I’ve had.